I Remember Now

There definitely is a reason why I don't buy chocolate. Becuase I'm addicted to it. I to some for Christmas today, and it's kinda bad that I got it today because I'm studying...hmmm chocolate and studying, they do NOT mix well. All that happens is that the chocolate gets eaten. Very quickly. But, you know, I will never refuse a good christmas present, and I am always happy to get chocolate. But it's really bad for me. hmm, oh well, gets me through this last exam!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (and imagine me jumping up and down at the same time!!)

Yep, that was me five minutes ago!! Just had my physics exam. I got 24 out of 30!!!!!! So I was definately excited. I don't think I've ever been that prepared for an exam in my life!! But thank you Jesus, somehow you got me through that one!!!! Well, that's all I have to say. This is such a happy day, I'm almost crying. But I haven't really eaten anything today, and I have to pack to go back home. Time for some good sleeping in!! Well, I have one more exam, but not for another week. Have a great day everyone. oh, sorry but this will probably be the last one for a while, we don't have internet back home, so no updates. Merry Chrismas Everyone.

Hockey Fever!!

Yep, that's me. Last night I read Marce's blog, and she mentioned that we could maybe play GHL this weekend (which I am totally up for!!) and then last night I had a hockey dream. It's tough, last week the Prov boys started their hockey, mmm just brings back good memories. I really can't wait to play, I'm reminded of hockey no matter what I do. I'm walking and it's really icy, and I think, "man, I could play hockey on this ice"...then i get sad cuz I'm not playing. And one of my friends from Algebra is on the U of M ladies hockey team, and she always gives me a report of how they're doing...sad again, no hockey for me. Hmmm, soon. One day maybe I'll get over this obsession.

well, I need to get my food ready. I'm really hungry.

See ya'll soon!!!!

Sad/Happy

Those are the mix of my feelings right now. Happy...well, that's obvious, done calculus II and I'm pretty sure I got a super amazing mark. The studying definately should pay off, I can't wait to find out my mark!! Sad...well, the unobvious one is that I'm kinda sad calculus is done. I was really enjoying it by the end (I know, hard to believe) It's probably the class I have the most fun in right now (but no worries, calculus 3A awaits me next semester). Also sad becuase I've spent so much time studying for calculus...by far the hardest class I'm taking...that my easy ones have been neglected. Classes like Physics, which really shouldn't be too bad, I'm definately concerned about even passing. That scares me. I can still fail these classes. I don't want to think of such things.

God, please help me get through the next three days, I can't do it on my own.

well, time to study some chem. then go to bed.

sleep well.

I Definately Have Issues Walking

All in all, a good day. I had my last calculus class today!!!! I'm so excited. Yeah, I thought I was doing ok today, but thinking back, I think that my balance was really off. I almost fell on the bus at least twice, and one time was definately almost on this dude (or was that yesterday....all the days run together), and I was walking and I twisted my ankle right in front of these two chicks, and just about fell over, then I heard them laughing at me!! I was really embarrased. Oh yeah, and yesterday, I was walking and the snow was covering the ice (always bad), and I slipped and just about fell, then this dude from behind me calls out "nice save!!", I couldn't believe it, some random stranger was making fun of me!! But then he walked with me, but we didn't talk, it was really awkward. But, as we were crossing the street he just about fell, so I laughed at him, lots. He deserved it. It was a funny experience.

Well, now that you know I definately cannot walk properly(but I guess that's not too much of a shock to anyone that knows me), it's time to sleep!!

Wait, I'm Having A Moment Here!!

You know that feeling that you get when you know that God is trying to tell you something, and you know what's He's saying, but it's one of those things that's just really hard to do? Well, I'm having one of those. I call my blog the exceptional life, because that's what I'm striving for, I want that, more than anything (even though I get distracted and forget that), I desperately want an exceptional life. I've been feeling lately like I'm falling short of that exceptional life. But what am I supposed to do? How do I change that? It's tough. And, even while I'm writing this, I can almost hear the devil whisper in my ear "but you're too busy, you don't have time to change this, school is too important, it can wait". GRRRRR. Anyway, it's funny, I'm so blessed that I have this opportunity to go to school, so many people don't ever have that chance, and it makes me sick that the devil can take that huge blessing, and deceive me with it. Warp it into something that it's not. It makes me angry.

Ok, just got a little distracted there, anyway, back to what I was saying. I feel like I have to do something, I'm not happy with my life (which is sad, but happy at the same time, because if I think that my life is going great I'm not being honest, because things can never be perfect, we need to always keep working on making our lives better). So, I do have a point with all this, just bear with me. So yesterday I was given my answer. I know what I'm supposed to do. Well, mostly I knew this all along, but I needed a huge smack in the face to remind me. So I was reading Titus 2 yesterday, and it was about the way that we are to live our lives, and this verse stood out to me: "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." - Titus 2:7-8. The bold part is what really stood out to me. I'm sitting here thinking, how on earth am I supposed to do that? That's really hard!!! And I was thinking about all the times that I've done things that are mean, and I'm really ashamed, there's been way too many times that I've given people bad things to say about me. And, I just wanted to say to all of you, that if there's something that I've done to you and never apologized for, I'm really sorry. I know that I haven't always done the right things, and I want to do better.

So, anyway, I'm reading the rest of Titus 2 last night, and the very last sentence is the real kicker (oh, I feel old saying that). "Do not let anyone despise you." - Titus 2: 15(the very end part). Ouch. That hurts. I don't know how many people despise me, but I sure do hate the thought of it. So, just now, I looked up the definition of despise: To regard with contempt or scorn; to dislike intensely; loathe; to regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern. Oh, that hurts. "to regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern", I don't know how many people despise me like that, but I sure do know that I treat people like that. How many times do I not care about others? Way, way too many times. I think that's the thing that's kind of been missing. In general, I think I just don't care about others enough. I despise people too many times. That is NOT the life that God called me to live. That goes completely against the life of love that we are suppose to have. Ouch, it makes me uncomfortable even thinking about how much I've done the wrong thing.

So, now that I realized this yesterday, I'm thinking what do I do now??? I went to Church of the Rock this Sunday, and the Pastor was talking about the way we are to live, and this is pretty much the point: when people do bad things to you, love them, don't act in revenge or hate, act in love. Our response should be the opposite of the way that they treated us. So, yeah, I guess I have a lot of work to do. That's definately a hard thing to do, but really it's what we're supposed to do, no excuses. Like it says in Titus "so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." I don't want people to have bad things to say about me.

Fear of Failure

I definitely reached that point today. Maybe some of you can relate. The point where all the pressures of school and life, and just general stress fell like they're about to suffocate you. I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate. Maybe that's really bad. I just realized yesterday that I have a week until I write most of my exams, and I am NOT ready. I'm really scared. Maybe that's what I'm feeling, not suffocation, but fear. I hate it. I feel like my life's out of control (not that it actually is, but that's just the feeling). I hate that, when you know that what you dread is looming near, and you want more than anything for it to be gone, but it won't just disappear, you have to deal with it. In one week from today, I'll still be sitting here, but on that day it'll be only a matter of hours until I write my Calculus exam. Fear. I don't like this. Jesus, please help me. I want it to be December 23. That means I'm done, and I'll be sleeping. It'll be wonderful. But, no use in wishing away the time, things don't get done when you're in denial. It's only a matter of days before this is all over, I can't wait....