Wait, I'm Having A Moment Here!!
You know that feeling that you get when you know that God is trying to tell you something, and you know what's He's saying, but it's one of those things that's just really hard to do? Well, I'm having one of those. I call my blog the exceptional life, because that's what I'm striving for, I want that, more than anything (even though I get distracted and forget that), I desperately want an exceptional life. I've been feeling lately like I'm falling short of that exceptional life. But what am I supposed to do? How do I change that? It's tough. And, even while I'm writing this, I can almost hear the devil whisper in my ear "but you're too busy, you don't have time to change this, school is too important, it can wait". GRRRRR. Anyway, it's funny, I'm so blessed that I have this opportunity to go to school, so many people don't ever have that chance, and it makes me sick that the devil can take that huge blessing, and deceive me with it. Warp it into something that it's not. It makes me angry.
Ok, just got a little distracted there, anyway, back to what I was saying. I feel like I have to do something, I'm not happy with my life (which is sad, but happy at the same time, because if I think that my life is going great I'm not being honest, because things can never be perfect, we need to always keep working on making our lives better). So, I do have a point with all this, just bear with me. So yesterday I was given my answer. I know what I'm supposed to do. Well, mostly I knew this all along, but I needed a huge smack in the face to remind me. So I was reading Titus 2 yesterday, and it was about the way that we are to live our lives, and this verse stood out to me: "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." - Titus 2:7-8. The bold part is what really stood out to me. I'm sitting here thinking, how on earth am I supposed to do that? That's really hard!!! And I was thinking about all the times that I've done things that are mean, and I'm really ashamed, there's been way too many times that I've given people bad things to say about me. And, I just wanted to say to all of you, that if there's something that I've done to you and never apologized for, I'm really sorry. I know that I haven't always done the right things, and I want to do better.
So, anyway, I'm reading the rest of Titus 2 last night, and the very last sentence is the real kicker (oh, I feel old saying that). "Do not let anyone despise you." - Titus 2: 15(the very end part). Ouch. That hurts. I don't know how many people despise me, but I sure do hate the thought of it. So, just now, I looked up the definition of despise: To regard with contempt or scorn; to dislike intensely; loathe; to regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern. Oh, that hurts. "to regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern", I don't know how many people despise me like that, but I sure do know that I treat people like that. How many times do I not care about others? Way, way too many times. I think that's the thing that's kind of been missing. In general, I think I just don't care about others enough. I despise people too many times. That is NOT the life that God called me to live. That goes completely against the life of love that we are suppose to have. Ouch, it makes me uncomfortable even thinking about how much I've done the wrong thing.
So, now that I realized this yesterday, I'm thinking what do I do now??? I went to Church of the Rock this Sunday, and the Pastor was talking about the way we are to live, and this is pretty much the point: when people do bad things to you, love them, don't act in revenge or hate, act in love. Our response should be the opposite of the way that they treated us. So, yeah, I guess I have a lot of work to do. That's definately a hard thing to do, but really it's what we're supposed to do, no excuses. Like it says in Titus "so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." I don't want people to have bad things to say about me.
Ok, just got a little distracted there, anyway, back to what I was saying. I feel like I have to do something, I'm not happy with my life (which is sad, but happy at the same time, because if I think that my life is going great I'm not being honest, because things can never be perfect, we need to always keep working on making our lives better). So, I do have a point with all this, just bear with me. So yesterday I was given my answer. I know what I'm supposed to do. Well, mostly I knew this all along, but I needed a huge smack in the face to remind me. So I was reading Titus 2 yesterday, and it was about the way that we are to live our lives, and this verse stood out to me: "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." - Titus 2:7-8. The bold part is what really stood out to me. I'm sitting here thinking, how on earth am I supposed to do that? That's really hard!!! And I was thinking about all the times that I've done things that are mean, and I'm really ashamed, there's been way too many times that I've given people bad things to say about me. And, I just wanted to say to all of you, that if there's something that I've done to you and never apologized for, I'm really sorry. I know that I haven't always done the right things, and I want to do better.
So, anyway, I'm reading the rest of Titus 2 last night, and the very last sentence is the real kicker (oh, I feel old saying that). "Do not let anyone despise you." - Titus 2: 15(the very end part). Ouch. That hurts. I don't know how many people despise me, but I sure do hate the thought of it. So, just now, I looked up the definition of despise: To regard with contempt or scorn; to dislike intensely; loathe; to regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern. Oh, that hurts. "to regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern", I don't know how many people despise me like that, but I sure do know that I treat people like that. How many times do I not care about others? Way, way too many times. I think that's the thing that's kind of been missing. In general, I think I just don't care about others enough. I despise people too many times. That is NOT the life that God called me to live. That goes completely against the life of love that we are suppose to have. Ouch, it makes me uncomfortable even thinking about how much I've done the wrong thing.
So, now that I realized this yesterday, I'm thinking what do I do now??? I went to Church of the Rock this Sunday, and the Pastor was talking about the way we are to live, and this is pretty much the point: when people do bad things to you, love them, don't act in revenge or hate, act in love. Our response should be the opposite of the way that they treated us. So, yeah, I guess I have a lot of work to do. That's definately a hard thing to do, but really it's what we're supposed to do, no excuses. Like it says in Titus "so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." I don't want people to have bad things to say about me.
posted by Kendra at 1:17 p.m.
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