Monday, May 30, 2005

My Thoughts On This

I had an interesting experience at work today. A friend that I hadn't seen in a while was in the mall and stopped by to say Hi. She had two other chicks with her (I didn't know them...I don't think they're from around here). Anyway, I chatted with my friend for a little bit, and then they left. But, just as they were leaving one of there girls I didn't know came up to me (the others kept walking), and asked me if she could ask me a personal question. She asked me if I had a relationship with Jesus. I think my exact response was "Um, yes I do ... Very much". Then she said ok and left. Sometimes people go around the mall with tracts, so I had heard this before. This one stood out to me.

I had a few reactions, on was "wow, I'm impressed with her boldness to ask that" (besides being introduced to her, we didn't say anything to each other). If she had been someone that I had helped to find shoes, and we were in a conversation, it would have been easier. But, she asked me without knowing anything about me.

Following that reaction comes another. "Did God tell her to ask me....Am I not a good enough Christian?". This one I kinda chalk up as the devil trying to use this situation to plant insecurities in my mind.

Then, somewhere in this mismash of thoughts comes (I think) a really important thought, one that deserves considering. I thought of how that whole situation made me feel. It made me feel stupid, kind of used (which isn't the best way to describe it, but I have not words to explain), and a bit angry at the same time. I'm a Christian, and it made me feel like that, I wonder how that would make non-Christians feel. I think one of two reactions would take place. Either they would commend her for caring, or they would get angry because she had no right to push her beliefs on them. And, no matter what reaction they would have, why would they want to pour their heart out to her, a total stranger (in my case I didn't even say a word to her beyond "hi", she really didn't know anything about me). What would she have done anyway if I wasn't a Christian, she's not from around here, she couldn't build any relationship with me....and even if she was, I wouldn't have wanted to start a relationship with her... I wouldn't want to be anyone's friend because the purpose of that friendship was to convert me. I don't mean to offend people, I think this method can definitely be effective...but it seems impersonal and outdated.

I don't really know where I'm going with all of this, but I just think that there has to be a better way. I'm not saying that we're never going to offend people, Christianity isn't all about making people feel happy (warm fuzzy). I just don't know. And if God had put a burden on her heart for me, why didn't she just ask my friend (she's fully aware that I'm a Christian), but even if I wasn't, then my friend could try to talk to me. Like I said I don't really have a point I'm trying to make, I'm just struggling with this situation and I'm not really sure why.

Hmmm, I'm out of thoughts about this for tonight.

Friday, May 27, 2005


Sorry for the lack of blog writing, I've been busy working....and when I am home, I have no hope of getting on the computer (stupid brothers!!). Yeah, so I'm on my two hour break between my two jobs, and then I get to go out for coffee with Morden!!! I'm so excited.

I've had a crazy-busy week. When I haven't been working I've gone to the ranch with some people to see Eric, watched baseball with Marce (sorry I made us leave early, I couldn't sit anymore...I hurt from horseback riding the day before), mmmm, I've had singing practice, gone running, out for coffee....hmmm and I think the list goes on.

Wanna know what is the stupidist line that people say to me at the shoe store? "I'll just have to go to winnipeg to buy them" (when I tell them that we're all out of their size), and then they look at me with this smug expression that expects me to practically burst into tears at the prospect. What do they think? That the shoes will just appear if they say that to me!! I DON"T CARE!!!

Ok, so that was my rant today. Have a good day!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


Sorry guys, I just feel so uninspired right now, I haven't really started work yet (next week!!), so I've just kinda been sitting around (no, I'm not complaining). I went running today, but it was really cold, so I could hardly breath after a few minutes, so that was the end of that. Me and my dad are making tacos for supper today!!! I'm excited cuz I've been hungry for tacos for a very long time now.... maybe I'll be a good daughter and bake some cookies, that would make my mother very happy.

Maybe later I'll have something more exciting to say.

Monday, May 02, 2005

I Saw a Little Boy in the Mall Dressed Like a Cow (or Maybe a Dog). I Laughed So Hard.

I'm reading the book that Lori had been reading a few weeks ago, so you'll probably remember some of her blogs about it. It's called "The Story We Find Ourselves In" by Brian D. McLaren. I was reading it today at work (it was really slow), and this point he made really stood out to me.

The guy talking (fictional character) was explaining how had felt called to be a pastor, and had done that for a while but became discouraged, so he went back to school and became a high school science teacher. He made this comment: "But even in that role [the science teacher], he realized that he was no less possessed by his identity, someone whom God had blessed so that he could be a blessing to others." This really impacted me. I don't know how many of you I've told this to, but I feel very called to help others, to make a difference in their lives, to encourage and show love and kindness to those that need it. I've really struggled with this. I don't feel (at this time) that I'm being lead to overseas missions or that type of thing (but I also don't feel like God's trying to tell me to do one job in particular), and I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with that burden. I feel like it's so vague, and sometimes I feel like it's just me thinking God's trying to tell me something and I'm getting it all messed up. But thinking of the idea that in any role we play (or profession we have) we cannot loose the identity that God has given us is very encouraging. I know that people always say "you know, God can use you wherever you are, it doesn't matter what you're doing, you'll make the a good choice", but that really doesn't make me feel any better. The feeling is like the time (years ago) that I played piano in church, and I did such a bad job, I was so embarrassed, and I got the sympathy clap, and I just felt so stupid. You know, the feeling that you screwed up bad, but you have to just make the best of it, because you can't change what just happened. I feel like people just say "oh you made the wrong choice and now you just have to try and suck it up and work with what you have left".

I like the idea that I've been blessed for a reason: to bless others. It doesn't really matter what I do, because I can't loose the calling that God has given me, and it's going to come out in whatever I'm doing. No matter what happens, I've been blessed by God, and that blessing will be used to bless others, it doesn't matter if I'm a teacher, or a singer, or a computer programmer. As the dude in the book said, I can be no less possessed by my identity. It will come out in everything or anything that I'm doing.