Crying

It's been a long week. I haven't written anything in a week, partly because I haven't known what to say, and partly because I haven't really been home a lot. There's not really words for the way that I feel right now, it's a mix of everything. A week ago my life was a lot different.

Last Saturday, I found out something about myself that I don't think I ever really wanted to know. It's funny how you can notice that you change, and you don't really like it, and you kinda ignore it, hoping that it'll go away. Well, it doesn't. And as much as you hope people don't notice, they do, maybe not everyone, but at least one person does, and it sucks when they tell you something, especially when it's something you've been trying to pretend doesn't exist. Hmmm, well, I had that experience last weekend, but I guess in some ways I'm happy about that. Anyone that reads this probably knows that I really want to change some things about my life, and this is just the next step. To anyone that I've hurt or offended in the last couple months, I'm really sorry, if you haven't noticed anything, well, that just makes me happy, since that means that this hasn't gone as far as it could have. Maybe it's not nearly as far as I think it is, but you know, when family tells you things, it's always harder to take than anyone else, oh, there was much crying.

And, of course, Sunday.... I don't really know what to say, Brittany, Jordan, and Jamie will be missed by tons of people, I don't understand why God chose this to be their time, but I also know that God doesn't create a worthless life, so I know that amazing things came out of their lives and will continue to. I have no words, I didn't when I found out, and I still don't. I don't know if I ever will.

I think I've cried more in the last three weeks than I have in the last six months. Unfortunately for my family, it's mostly been around them, I've almost driven my family to alcohol, just kidding, but that's a funny story, ask me sometime.