Walking and Thinking

I was thinking of something I had read this summer. I was thinking about a statement that the author made (I don't have the book here, so I don't have a direct quote for you) it was that people sometimes feel like God is holding out on them. I was walking home from school, talking to God as I walked (I do this without noticing, so I think people sometimes think I'm crazy...oh well). I felt God asking me if I think that He's holding what I really want back from me. I remember that I had the thought that it sure felt like it sometimes. No sooner did that thought come to mind then did the question: do you think God is good and loving?

I was thinking about all of this and I truly believe that God is good and loving. I really believe that it's not that God is holding things back from me that I really want. (sorry if you're missing the connection in my thoughts, it's a bit random, but it all makes sense in my head). It's not even that I'm not necessarily ready for what I want, it's just really that the timing truly isn't right. As frustrating as that is for me, I just can't get away from that...timing. Something I learned about myself this summer with the help of some good friends is that my solution to any problem is to work harder, to fix the problem, to do better. Sometimes there's really just not a problem that needs to be fixed, I just have to wait for the timing that's necessary. This really frustrates me. I can deal with working harder, I know how to do that. I know what to do when there's something that needs to be fixed. I don't know what to do when there's not necessarily anything wrong. I guess the only thing to do is live.

That's a topic that's been on my mind the last week. It's time for me to start living. I've been hibernating the last year, and that time of my life is just about done (or at least I hope it is), and now I get to start living! Give me 21 days and I get to live! I am so excited!